Tips and Insights from Mommy Magic

EXCITING NEWS!  The Princess Festival Debuts in San Diego this Summer!

For over a year now I have been asking…yes, sometimes begging…Ron Hatfield to bring the Princess Festival to Southern California.  When I was first invited to be a special guest at the festival two years ago, I had no idea how involved I would become.  I have been helping parents put a little “magic” in their parenting for over ten years…and this event, with the valuable lessons and fun that it creates – is one of the best tools I have come across to help guide our daughters, as well as help combat the inappropriate actions of many of the idols that the media almost forces our daughters to look up to.  The fact that parents can go home with lovely little books to carry on the lessons – and dress-ups to continue the play, are bonuses that help bring the spirit of the festival home.

With the careful and thoughtful expansion of this unique and wonderful event, I am thrilled to announce that Ron and Maurine have bestowed the honor upon me to host the festival in “the land of San Diego” this summer.  In looking for the perfect place, I am also pleased to announce that it will be held at the world famous Carlsbad Flower Fields, in north San Diego County.  As you are undoubtedly aware, the work that goes into putting on this event is immense, so if you know anyone in the San Diego area who might like to help me make it the success that it has been in Utah, please let me know!  The dates are July 14^th – 22^nd.

In closing, I would like to share a poem with you that I wrote especially for all of the little princesses whose joyful and caring spirits shall make the world a better place.

To Be A Princess

Would you like to be a princess?

Then simply look into your heart

For the magic you were born with

That makes you a special part…

Of the kingdom we all live in

Which we must take great care of

By respecting what we’ve been given

And planting seeds of love.

The earth and all who live here

Have a beauty of their own

To nurture and protect it

Is the duty behind our throne.

By Ron Hatfield,  16 Feb 2012

Ummmm, this business about “Magic” is one that needs some “fairy dust” ( or in our PRINCESS FESTIVAL kingdom of Everley, “Quizzledust”)…..

One observant mom offered an observation that THREE things create the most “MAGIC” at the PRINCESS FESTIVAL for her family.

1. A guided adventure for the girls to systematically go from one adventure to the next in an organized way, yet offer elective activities ‘on the side’
2. “Play opportunities” with the characters
3. “One on one” interaction moments

Foremost in our minds, however, is the desire that we want to TEACH the girls (and boys) the values of the PRINCESS FESTIVAL:

1.  It’s fun to look beautiful but to be MORE THAN A PRINCESS you must learn to CARE ABOUT OTHERS
2. A True Princess wants to MAKE A DIFFERENCE and creatively finds ways to do that
3. The “REAL MAGIC” comes not from fairy or “quizzle dust”, but FROM WITHIN the  heart and mind of the Princess

We have pondered a lot about how to brew a perfect storm here.

The strong desire of a young girl to “become” a Princess gives parents and the PRINCESS FESTIVAL (as a tool of the parent) an opportunity to set some keystone standards of HOW to be that pretend character.

1. The opportunity to have FUN while being taught these principles puts these precious girls in the right environment to be instructed.
2. Our Princesses (and related characters) are designed to be easily adoptable role models of these values.
3. The desired net result is that PARENTS can use these teachings to continue the training of the girls (and boys) in these principles.
4. Hopefully this will help train a generation that recognizes real needs around them, feels empowered to respond, reacts to it positively, and actually makes the world a better place.

In our charity work with Quiet Way, we have fed thousands of families in Africa who were starving as the result of famine, started a women’s co-op, built dams, supplied schools, feed orphans, provided scholarships, supplied clothing, computers, and tools, brought medical teams and equipment to hospitals where hope was nonexistent.  We were co-founders of another charity that after 20 years still provides relief to women and children escaping abuse and has been adopted by two universities as it grows and grows.  (It started out as “Bare Necessities” in 1990)

However, Please note this very important statement.

I believe that, over time, the growth and acceptance of the principles and values of the PRINCESS FESTIVAL will be the root of more good, in more places, with assistance to more causes, and give back more joy to more people than 100,000 TIMES what we have done in the last 20 years in Africa and the USA.

Ron Hatfield, posted 10 Feb 2012

To be totally honest, I believe that boys enjoy our shows and experiences almost as much as the girls.  In my exit interviews and in our surveys when we ask the boys how they would rank the experience, it is almost without exception that they state it was “very fun”.  To my surprise this included teen aged boys as well as 4 and 5 year olds.

In the first Princess Festivals I allowed my own grandsons to attend the show multiple times.  Six-year-old Zachary was a real PRINCE the first time he saw the show.  As a part of the group he was respectful and would respond when addressed but otherwise stayed camouflaged as part of the group.

On the next day, his second time through, he was usually in the front of the group and would proudly and quickly blurt out the answers when one of the actors would address the guests with a question.  He was a proud little rooster and would glance over the crowd with a smile when he pressed his buzzer first.

On his third time through we had to kick him out.  He knew the routine very intimately now and was a little bored by the repetition.  To amuse himself he would intentionally trip someone or pick up a twig and flip someone on the arm, etc.  The “magic” was gone for this KNIGHT who was looking for new adventure and traditional ‘bored-boy’ instincts kicked in.

Recognizing that this was not our desired outcome I conducted several more interviews of boys entering and exiting the event.

My observation fell pretty consistently into the follow generalizations:

1. Younger boys (ages 3-6) were easily entertained in a new environment full of discovery and surprise.  Easily pleased.
2. The next ages of boys 7-10  who would normally love to twist and turn things to see if they break or pull the beard off from an actor to prove he was a fake were simply overpowered being in unfamiliar territory and respected this unfamiliar turf.
3. The 11 to 14 year olds came with the expectation to be bored but soon learned that there was another show and another experience and another surprise that they hadn’t expected.  They noticed the very attractive 18-25 year old actors and actresses who were interacting with the guests.  It was surprisingly fun to be a part of the ebb and flow of the interactive experiences.  Many wanted to know how to volunteer to be part of the group in the future.

However, always in the back of my mind was the experience with Zachary.  I believed that if we had swords for the boys to get their hands on…. or some tomatoes to throw at someone’s head sticking out a hole in a piece of plywood…. opportunity would convert to action spontaneously.  (Do you think that flying tomatoes and Princess Tiaras are good traveling companions?)

And like Zachary’s efforts to attract attention on his third visit, that seemed to “dim the Magic” of the experience!

So far at the Princess Festival we’ve been trying to reformulate until we really hit on the right balance.  Clearly, our event is an experience designed for PRINCESSES, however, it is seasoned with ‘just enough’ mystery and surprise that KNIGHTS should be adequately entertained and conduct themselves respectfully.

We believe that these young KNIGHT wannabes can be taught to become “More than a Knight” by “Caring about others”, and, like the Princesses, become proactive in a respectful and significant way.

(Wait a minute,  if that is the outcome, then I suppose that we ARE teaching each one of these wonderful KNIGHTS to become a “PRINCE” afterall).

25 Jan 2012

by Ron Hatfield, founder

So where does the desire to be beautiful and the center of attention clash with just ordinary make believe?

The recent book by Peggy Orenstein  “Cinderella ate my daughter” contends that the Princess movement is ‘over kill’.  Her charges include the notion that it causes girls to be materialistic and ego centric, i.e. ‘Diva like’.  I believe that Ms. Orenstein has hit a nerve but only sees the glass half empty.

No doubt that every sport, interest, politic and trend has its extremists.  There are Christian churches who celebrate killings and athletes who push themselves OVER the edge and are debilitated for life or die from their risk taking.  There are little girls who believe that beauty, a daring prince and the attention it gets is the ultimate goal in life.

But let’s step back and take a look at another perspective of using the fun and allure of being dressed as a beautiful princess to shape that little personality a different way.

Recently at our “Pink Carpet Event” at the Winterland Princess Festival we featured several little girls dressed in Princess Ilissa, Mila, Sonrisa, and Maurine dress-ups who were reporting to the audience what they did to be MORE THAN A PRINCESS.  Each stood and explained in as few words as she could meekly muster, before the press and such a large crowd, that she ‘helped to pick up trash in her neighborhood’, or ‘helped collect books to be shipped to Africa’, ‘helped her mom do the dishes’, and other acts of self initiative to serve others.

Every time that I see these young girls I still call them with the name of the Princess they represented that day.  I faithfully comment about how much they were like the Princess Festival princess they represented. ( Ilissa offering to help flood victims, Mila comforting children after an earthquake, Maurine is a peacemaker, and Sonrisa becoming a detective to help solve the case of her sick little sister.)  The reinforcement was on the deeds of these noble young princess figures, coupled with the fun of their dress-ups and the opportunity to “get into character” with their family and/or friends.

And when you think about it, almost every little-girl-to-grandmother has a strong desire to feed homeless people, beautify a park, comfort the sick and disadvantaged, and help save starving children in Africa.  Whenever I am in conversation with a beautiful young college person and the topic turns to our work building dams and feeding orphans in Kenya, they volunteer fearlessly to come and assist.  Is this not a very worthwhile trait in the “beauty” category that EVERY girl can truly possess and act upon?

Princess Festival is also careful to not dwell on stereotypical antagonists.  The challenge is not “someone” that needs to be defeated but instead focuses on the human misfortune that must be addressed.  Thus we find the next very unique aspect of the Princess Festival approach in the development of little girls…. A “True Princess”, meaning every girl, can make a difference whether it is in her home, her kingdom or the world.  As a fan of Princess Festival princesses she learns by example and training to become a force for good and an agent of change.

Our precious daughters and grand-daughters deserve better than to be considered as “half empty” Diva’s during this enormously important period of their development.  Let them be beautiful in their dress-ups and change-makers in their hearts.  (I have 6 daughters and 32 grand-daughters… lots of firsthand experience!)

"Diva 101" or "More than a Princess" training?

By Adria Manary
Purchase Adria’s book “Mommy Magic” HERE

One of the many attributes of a great mom is flexibility…and it is with that thought in mind
that I apologize for the absence of last week’s blog. When “stuff” happens, you have to
be flexible, right? Well, a lot of life’s “stuff” was thrown into my path the past week and a
half…including spraining my ankle after my son broke his! So needless to say, everything
went into slow motion…and some things just weren’t accomplished as usual because
other “things” took priority.

As moms, we have all accepted the fact that when kids are involved, plans can never be set in stone. When they are sick, of course we will drop everything else to tend to their every need. But there are many times when we have the choice to be flexible, like those times when you have planned a play date and your little one is just in a cuddly mood, not wanting to go anywhere. Do we force them to get dressed and be at a friend’s at 9 AM because we are expected there, or should we give in to their feelings, knowing that another mom is going to understand? As with everything in life…balance is the key. My mom used to say, “Pick your battles wisely, so you can win the war.” You need to look at the battle as
being the “current picture” and the war as being the “bigger picture”. Sometimes you may
need to lose the battle to win the war!

If it’s a doctor’s appointment or something so important that it is necessary to push…then
we need to nudge gently, and unfortunately, sometimes even pick them up and put them in
their car seat crying. But when it is a situation where it is best to put your child’s feelings
before a friend who might be expecting you…look at it as an opportunity to let your child
see that their feelings count. It also teaches them to be flexible!

Flexibility is a virtue. Choosing to be flexible does not mean you are simply giving in to
your child’s every whim…that they get their way to avoid tantrums. What it does mean is
that you evaluate each situation to see if it warrants the tremendous amount of energy that
a battle of wills requires, or if it is a situation that can be diffused by being flexible.

As Tom Robbins so aptly put it, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your
approach.”

—

Adria Manary, a friend of the Princess Festival, has appeared on MSNBC as a parenting expert and been featured on dozens of local TV and radio shows such as Good Morning Oregon and Fox Morning News.  Adria’s favorite and most important title will always be, “MOM”! As the mother of four incredible children and two amusing dogs, her home life is delightful and was the original inspiration for her bestselling book, “Mommy Magic – Creative Activities and Inspiring Stories to Deepen the Bond with Your Child”(purchase HERE).  Recently released in its third edition, “Mommy Magic” is the flagship book in Adria’s new series, “The Magic of Life”.   

Adria is the author of five books, a contributing author to five more, and the singer/songwriter of her family music CD, “Precious Souls”.  In her list of achievements, her most cherished include winning the Gold Award from the New York TV and Film Festival, and raising over a million dollars for the New York Special Olympics.  With degrees in Psychology and Communications, Adria is also a sought after professional speaker who blends researched facts with inspiring stories about the very real magic of love…in the reality series we call life! 

By Adria Manary
Purchase Adria’s book “Mommy Magic” HERE

I hope that everyone had a marvelously Merry Christmas!  The “day after” is always one of recovery for me, so today I am feeling rested and thankful in the warm afterglow.

One of the things that I am grateful for, especially now that my children are older, is that I continue to be a source of security and love for them.  That kind of relationship is built over years of consistently putting your children first, letting them know that you are always there for them, and always love them…no matter what.

The following poem is a wonderful memory for me, but I have to admit I was quite surprised that my teenage daughter posted it on her Facebook page a few weeks ago!  It warmed my heart to know that she felt confident enough to share it with a world that could bring more teasing than understanding.  But fortunately, the comments she received were mostly ones of appreciation, for showing there is such love left in the world.

My wish for you is that you experience many similar days to the one I describe in this poem:

The Mommy Magnet
I awakened this morning early
With a foot attached to my leg
As I tried to gently separate
Her little voice said, “Let’s play!”

Then I sat up in the bed
As her hand slipped into mine
I smiled and squeezed her fingers
For we are always intertwined.

I stood up, stretched and felt her eyes
Looking into mine
Her arms outstretched—that “carry me” look
I lifted her and sighed.

We nestled in each other’s arms
With her bottle and my coffee
And then my feet were gently warmed
By our adoring little puppy.

Suddenly I heard a cry
My six-year-old awakened
Down the stairs he ran to me
Still a little shaken.

He climbed across the dog
And up onto my lap
Blanketed with love
There was only one spot left.

I heard another door and spied
Another smiling face
My oldest walked in sleepily
And calmly took his place.

My husband came to say goodbye
And gave us each a kiss
He knew he left us happy
Together in our bliss.

The phone can ring, the chores can mount
My work can loudly beckon.
But nothing’s more important
Than cuddling my sweet children.

It’s as if I am a magnet—
A power truly treasured.
For the closeness that I share with them—
One could never measure.

In closing, I realize that the New Year will be upon us in a matter of days, so do I dare say the word…resolutions?   Nope…not me…not YET!  I say we all continue to bask in the love and light of the holidays – and finish off the leftover pies and cookies before we cross the finish line of 2011!

—

Adria Manary, a friend of the Princess Festival, has appeared on MSNBC as a parenting expert and been featured on dozens of local TV and radio shows such as Good Morning Oregon and Fox Morning News.  Adria’s favorite and most important title will always be, “MOM”! As the mother of four incredible children and two amusing dogs, her home life is delightful and was the original inspiration for her bestselling book, “Mommy Magic – Creative Activities and Inspiring Stories to Deepen the Bond with Your Child”(purchase HERE).  Recently released in its third edition, “Mommy Magic” is the flagship book in Adria’s new series, “The Magic of Life”.   

Adria is the author of five books, a contributing author to five more, and the singer/songwriter of her family music CD, “Precious Souls”.  In her list of achievements, her most cherished include winning the Gold Award from the New York TV and Film Festival, and raising over a million dollars for the New York Special Olympics.  With degrees in Psychology and Communications, Adria is also a sought after professional speaker who blends researched facts with inspiring stories about the very real magic of love…in the reality series we call life!  

By Adria Manary
Purchase Adria’s book “Mommy Magic” HERE

Merry Christmas!  Santa will be arriving this weekend so I hope you’re ready!

Since “little eyes” might be reading this page, I am reminded not to give any secrets away!  Therefore, I invite you to email me at: adria@mommymagic.com so that I can send you a delightful true story from my book, about a very inventive dad!  I will also send you a list of ways to make the season even more enchanting for your little ones!

As we celebrate the wonderful miracle that is the “reason for the season” – it reminds me how we should look at life every day.

Albert Einstein once said:
There are two ways to live your life:
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.

So remember…take a DEEP BREATH…and take time to enjoy the miracles around you, and the peace and love that this season is meant to bring to us all.

We are creating memories that will last a lifetime for both our children and ourselves – and one thing that is sure to stay in your children’s subconscious for the rest of their lives, is the wonderful way the house smells when you’re baking during the week, and when Christmas dinner goes in the oven.  Here is a poem that describes how my memories blended into a special moment with my son in our kitchen!

Yummy Smells

Deep in my heart
Where my memories dwell,
Lives my mom in an apron
And yummy smells.

I’m thankful for cookies
And chocolate cake,
For when I smell these
Those images awake.

I am taken back in time
As I close my eyes,
And can almost taste the cookies
My mom baked with pride.

“Can I lick the bowl?”
My little one squeals!
I’m jerked back to the present
By his wonderful zeal.

I look at his face
All chocolate and smiles,
And know that this moment
Will last him a good while.

—

Adria Manary, a friend of the Princess Festival, has appeared on MSNBC as a parenting expert and been featured on dozens of local TV and radio shows such as Good Morning Oregon and Fox Morning News.  Adria’s favorite and most important title will always be, “MOM”! As the mother of four incredible children and two amusing dogs, her home life is delightful and was the original inspiration for her bestselling book, “Mommy Magic – Creative Activities and Inspiring Stories to Deepen the Bond with Your Child”(purchase HERE).  Recently released in its third edition, “Mommy Magic” is the flagship book in Adria’s new series, “The Magic of Life”.   

Adria is the author of five books, a contributing author to five more, and the singer/songwriter of her family music CD, “Precious Souls”.  In her list of achievements, her most cherished include winning the Gold Award from the New York TV and Film Festival, and raising over a million dollars for the New York Special Olympics.  With degrees in Psychology and Communications, Adria is also a sought after professional speaker who blends researched facts with inspiring stories about the very real magic of love…in the reality series we call life!  

By Adria Manary
Purchase Adria’s book “Mommy Magic” HERE

As I sat at my computer this morning, staring at the blank page in front of me, I took a detour to Facebook.  I couldn’t decide what to write about this week so, yes…I started to procrastinate!  Although I rarely go on Facebook, I soon realized that the precious angels who are often by my side to inspire me, must have guided me to log on at that moment.  For in scanning down the posts on my home page, my dear niece Ainsley had posted the following lyrics from a song by India Arie:

“I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within.”

I copied this wonderful quote, clicked back to the blank page that had daunted me only moments before, and pasted it with enthusiasm.  The message that I “happened” upon had spoken loudly to me.  And so I begin…

The main message for all of our princesses – and for us as parents – is to find the magic within.  For as the quote suggests, it is what’s inside of us that is most important in life!  When I began to write, “Mommy Magic”, after describing how my son had inspired the title, one of the first paragraphs I wrote was the following:

I truly believe that when a child is born, God sprinkles a bit of magic into the heart of the mother. Then, as the child is laid upon the mother’s breast, that magic brings feelings of unparalleled love and incredible awe. From that very moment on, the mother and child reconnect as if the baby were still in the womb. What has been a physical connection for nine months magically turns into a heart connection that lasts forever.

As life unfolds, the magic that the mother bestows upon her child becomes a springboard for achievement and a safety net for failure; a treasure trove of hope and the backbone of self-confidence; a blanket to warm the soul and a spark to ignite the spirit.

I also believe that tucked deep inside of the human spirit is the magic of love; the magic of hope; the magic of compassion; the magic of courage; the magic of kindness…I’m sure you could add to the list.  What is important during this season of course is to spread this magic to those around us.  Remember, what we do, our children will too!

—

Adria Manary, a friend of the Princess Festival, has appeared on MSNBC as a parenting expert and been featured on dozens of local TV and radio shows such as Good Morning Oregon and Fox Morning News.  Adria’s favorite and most important title will always be, “MOM”! As the mother of four incredible children and two amusing dogs, her home life is delightful and was the original inspiration for her bestselling book, “Mommy Magic – Creative Activities and Inspiring Stories to Deepen the Bond with Your Child”(purchase HERE).  Recently released in its third edition, “Mommy Magic” is the flagship book in Adria’s new series, “The Magic of Life”.   

Adria is the author of five books, a contributing author to five more, and the singer/songwriter of her family music CD, “Precious Souls”.  In her list of achievements, her most cherished include winning the Gold Award from the New York TV and Film Festival, and raising over a million dollars for the New York Special Olympics.  With degrees in Psychology and Communications, Adria is also a sought after professional speaker who blends researched facts with inspiring stories about the very real magic of love…in the reality series we call life!  

By Adria Manary
Purchase Adria’s book “Mommy Magic” HERE

Oh how I wish I could be in Utah to attend the Princess Festival events going on at The Provo Towne Centre Mall. “A Hobbyduke Christmas Story” and the “Princess Winterland Festival” are definitely a must for you to put on your calendar if you are anywhere near Provo, Utah!

I hope that you all had a splendid Thanksgiving, but with the “Black Friday” shopping opportunity starting the following morning…EARLY…I don’t think many of us had a chance to take a breath before feeling the pressure of preparing for the next holiday! So, I would like to encourage you to take several deep breaths every day, as the demands of the holiday season come upon us.

With the hustle-bustle going on in the weeks ahead, here is one way to make sure that we keep the real meaning of the season at the forefront. To help your kids see past their own Santa lists, ask them to also write a “Giving List”. The joy of giving is a gift in itself, so help your child make a list of what gifts they plan on giving to family and friends, so that in addition to what they receive, they can also anticipate the joy of what the gifts they give will mean to others.

The following story, from Mommy Magic, is one of my favorites about how a child can make a difference in someone’s life through giving. At the beginning of each chapter, I highlight a story from another mom. This one was written by Letitia Baldridge, who authored many books on etiquette, and was Jacqueline
Kennedy’s personal assistant at the White House.

If you are too young to remember “Furby” – it was the top selling toy about ten years ago. It is similar to the new Furry Frenzies and Zhu Zhu pets that are the rave this year.

Furby Has A Heart

At the height of the “Furby” craze during the holiday season, I happened to be standing in a toy store on New York’s chic Upper East Side, awaiting my turn in line. Over in the corner, just watching, was a homeless mother, bare-legged, dirty, and disheveled. I think she was in the store to keep warm, or maybe it was simply to allow her daughter to look at all of the toys. Her child watched the other children lined up with their caregivers, mothers, and fathers, anxiously waiting to buy one of the coveted talking Furbies. Once or twice she said in a soft voice, “I’d really like one of those, too.” Her mother quietly shushed her and told her not to be crazy; of course she could not have one. The little girl’s face grew sadder and sadder as she watched each furry character walk out of the store with someone else.

One of the private school girls, around ten years old, dressed in her pristine school uniform, saw and heard the little girl. When her mother finally received the treasured, wrapped Furby, she handed it to her daughter and paid the salesperson. As they walked out of the store, her daughter went over to the homeless mother’s child, put the package in her hands, and said, “This is for you.” Then she hurried out of the store after her mother.

Tears came to my eyes. I had spent so much time writing about the need for children to develop a kind heart, about how we, as adults, should show them the way — and then I see a naturally and wonderfully kind child do an act right from her heart. There had been no suggestion from her mother that she give away her new Furby. There had been no conversation at all about it. She simply saw a peer with no chance whatsoever to own a Furby, it touched her, and she reacted.

That child has what it takes to go a long way in this world. From what I witnessed, I feel confident she will achieve fame, fortune and success in every way . . . but most of all, happiness. Kindness was in her heart, but surely her mother, father, or someone at home helped put that kind of philosophy there. It just doesn’t happen automatically, but how wonderful it would be if it were contagious.

—

Adria Manary, a friend of the Princess Festival, has appeared on MSNBC as a parenting expert and been featured on dozens of local TV and radio shows such as Good Morning Oregon and Fox Morning News.  Adria’s favorite and most important title will always be, “MOM”! As the mother of four incredible children and two amusing dogs, her home life is delightful and was the original inspiration for her bestselling book, “Mommy Magic – Creative Activities and Inspiring Stories to Deepen the Bond with Your Child”(purchase HERE).  Recently released in its third edition, “Mommy Magic” is the flagship book in Adria’s new series, “The Magic of Life”.   

Adria is the author of five books, a contributing author to five more, and the singer/songwriter of her family music CD, “Precious Souls”.  In her list of achievements, her most cherished include winning the Gold Award from the New York TV and Film Festival, and raising over a million dollars for the New York Special Olympics.  With degrees in Psychology and Communications, Adria is also a sought after professional speaker who blends researched facts with inspiring stories about the very real magic of love…in the reality series we call life!